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"Attack of the Killer Kung-Fu Wolf Bitch" is the sixth episode of the second season of The Boondocks. It originally aired on November 19, 2007.
Robert's online dating adventures lead him to a beautiful woman named Luna, whom he invites for the weekend. Unfortunately, Huey, Riley and Robert soon learn that Luna is an expert on deadly arts of kung-fu...and is somewhat psychotic.
The episode begins with Granddad trying to find a beautiful young woman to date through online dating sites (which he discovered from Riley in "Stinkmeaner Strikes Back") but with no more success than his first attempts. He becomes increasingly upset as each date fails to live up to the online photos they post on their respective profiles.
Determined to not give up, Robert turns to web-cams to better his chances of finding a real 'cutie-pie'. This proves fruitful when Luna (voiced by Aisha Tyler) agrees to spend the weekend with the Freeman family. Both of the boys are a little wary, Riley especially believes she is going to steal their cash, but Granddad dismisses their concerns and assures the boys everything will be fine. Huey simply does not believe meeting someone so early is wise.
When Luna arrives, she is physically everything Granddad has hoped for. A visual gag shows her Myspace photo set floating next to her as she stands in the doorway, for comparison purposes. The woman comments that she looks just like her photo. That night, the Freemans and Luna enjoy a nice dinner, though the mood quickly shifts after Luna reveals she owns wolves (fifteen of them, along with a Dalmatian and two retrievers) and is a master of 'White Lotus Kung-Fu'. Huey is deeply disturbed by this, for being an expert in martial arts himself, he knows it to be the 'deadliest style'. While Granddad is quite a bit nervous, this soon turns to an object of horror among the family after Luna explains her participation in the mythical secret mixed martial arts master tournament known as the Kumite - everytime someone says Kumite, a sound effect from a Kung-Fu movie is heard for a second. In a flashback, Luna is shown in one on one deathmatches which she dominates, before ripping her opponent's still-beating heart out (a reference to Mortal Kombat). Luna herself is quite indifferent to such homicidal tendencies, even going as far to joke about them.
The Freemans excuse themselves and regroup in the bathroom. Having been freaked out by the truth of Luna, Riley asked why Granddad invited a killer kung-fu wolf bitch to their home. Both boys insist that Granddad end his date immediately, but Granddad is not willing to end the date with Luna on the grounds for fear that she may use one of her 'exploding nutsack techniques'. Meanwhile, Luna is on her headset with a friend named Nicole (voiced by Tichina Arnold), who seems to believe that Luna should not take fault in anything that may have caused Robert to act strangely. Huey tells Granddad that that Luna cannot really be a White Lotus master, and leaves the bathroom to express his skepticism to Luna herself. She offers to give him a demonstration in the form of 'a friendly sparring match'. Huey accepts, and ends up being utterly and severely beaten. She later regrets it and punches a hole in the wall for beating up Huey.
After recovering, Huey gives Granddad an alibi to get Luna out of the house. Unfortunately, Granddad doesn't stick to the story he and Huey agreed on - thinking it wouldn't work. The next day, he botches the plan by claiming to be the party planner for Fidel Castro's birthday, with Jay-Z providing transportation to Cuba. Luna takes the bait, and leaves to the delight of the Freemans, particularly Huey, who believed Granddad's "Fidel Castro's birthday" excuse wouldn't work. However, Luna is soon enlightened by Nicole that Castro's birthday isn't until August, so she quickly turns her car around and drives back. Robert is seen playing checkers with Uncle Ruckus at the park, both unaware that Luna is spying on them while they are playing their game. During their conversation, Robert talks to Ruckus about his recent date and luck with women in internet dating. She overhears Robert calling her a "crazy bitch", which infuriates her. On Nicole's advice, a very angry Luna decides to make Robert pay.
The boys return home later and find their rooms ransacked and the windows barred with nails. When Riley picks up the phone, he discovers it has been disconnected. Before they can do anything, Luna seals them inside the room. Granddad enters the house moments later and is subdued by Luna knocking him out with a choke-hold. She then ties him up and holds him at gunpoint. When Robert wakes up, an emotionally unstable and deranged Luna demands the truth as to why Robert ended the date with her, and whether he believes she's crazy. Unsurprisingly, Granddad is fearful of responding truthfully or making an excuse. Upon seeing Tom, Luna says to the boys that if they make noise, she'll anally violate Granddad with the broom she is holding- which prompts Robert to tell the boys to stay quiet. Moments later, neighbor Tom DuBois arrives at the Freeman house. Huey had e-mailed Tom earlier, expressing concern that Luna might return with violent intentions and asking him to check on the Freeman family periodically. An embarrassed Tom, who believes Huey was worrying over nothing, eventually explains this to Luna and asks to be allowed inside to search the home. Luna tries to get Tom to go away by lying to him, but Huey had anticipated everything Luna was likely to tell Tom and had advised him not to believe it and to search the house anyway. Tom reads the transcript of the e-mail to Luna and is knocked out by her mere seconds after he begins reading the part where Huey warns him how dangerous she is with the Mortal Kombat phrase in the shot "FLAWLESS VICTORY". She then binds him and puts him with her other captives. Luna lamenting while Tom and Robert are tied up on the bed.
Granddad pleads for her to spare Tom, who had nothing to do with what is going on, and for himself to be released. Luna denies the request, saying Robert broke her heart, and now believes he is no different than 'the others'. When Granddad asks who these 'others' are, Luna explains her life story and her unfortunate relationships with men around her, that her father was physically abusive to her mother (notably when feeding him dinner that ends with him spitting out food and slapping her with the plate, exclaiming "Bitch, this chicken is cold!) and thus made her weak in her own love life, and -having her first love (a triad boss) do to her what her dad did to her mom in the previous clip- resulting in her trend of allowing men she dated to harm her both physically and emotionally, sometimes even in the same matter her father did. Afterward, she finally breaks down, but Granddad tells her she was far too special to even consider dating such men. He goes on to say that no matter how horrible her past relationships were, she cannot take her anger out on those she encounters in her love life who do not have the same feelings for her, as it will prove to be counterproductive, which will lead her to a lonley life. Tom agrees, and says kidnapping those who she has feelings for but does not receive them back in return is not an ideal way to get a partner. Luna agrees, but is saddened at the fact she is lonely and may never get married, contemplating blowing herself up with a grenade. Granddad and Tom urge her not to (in large part because setting the grenade off in the bedroom would also kill the two of them), and Granddad tells her she should not allow people to abuse her in the way she has been, and to take charge of her responsibilities in life.
Luna finally calms down, frees both Granddad and Tom and decides to leave the Freeman household. With the crisis avoided, the family and Tom wait until Luna has left before feeling safe. However, Nicole points out that Luna is not even certain that Robert would marry her after she gets help, complains about how Robert 'ditched' her even after she told him her life story, and says if she was in Luna's situation, she 'would just freakin' die'. Luna, under such depression and loneliness, decides to take Nicole's perceived (and quite bad) advice and blows herself up in the car. The episode ends with Grandad, Riley, and Tom walking away from the window, with Riley complaining how the weekend turned out and Grandad wishing Luna's poor soul to rest well. Huey stays behind staring at the remains of the car before he finally leaves as well. Outside, Nicole continues to chatter through her Bluetooth earpiece, giving more bad advice about torturing Granddad into proposing to her, completely unaware that her best friend is dead.
- While Grandad is dancing after the opening credits you can can hear a crude rendition of "Temperature" by Sean Paul, with the lyrics sounding like quotes from Dr. Seuss books.
- During Grandad's story about Lionel Richie and his ex-wife, a soul version of Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up" (infamously known on the internet as "Rickroll", the fact that the popularity of that internet meme was the same year of this episode's debut, 2007) is heard in the background during Richie's "ass whupping" scene. Interestingly enough, Brenda Harvey-Richie was voiced by Tichina Arnold who also voiced Luna's friend Nicole.
- At the end of Luna's speech about the Kumite, she quotes the introduction to Ghostface Killah's 'Mighty Healthy' which is also from a scene from the 1979 martial arts film "Shoalin Rescuers".
- Notably the episode has moments involving winks at the Mortal Kombat franchise. In two instances one involving Luna removing an opponents heart with her bare hand (like Kano does in the first game) resulting in a bloody displayed "Fatality!" During which an elderly kung fu master individual resembling Shang Tsung or Gen tells her, "FINISH HIM!" The Second being when Tom insists to enter the house after many attempts at being turned away by Luna, she quickly throws him over her shoulder with her legs (Sonya Blade's signature special ) causing the text "LUNA WINS", and "FLAWLESS VICTORY" to be shown .
- In Luna's flashback, Bushido Brown , who first appeared in "Let's Nab Oprah", participates in the Kumite.
- The scene in which Luna has a gun aimed at Robert in his bed is a possible reference of a scene between Lorraine Bracco and Ray Liotta in Goodfellas.
- Luna tells Robert and the boys that she has competed in the Kumite, a reference to the 1988 film Bloodsport about the life of Frank Dux, to where Riley then compares Luna to Jean-Claude Van Damme.
- At the end of the episode, when Luna blows herself up off-screen, Huey is the only one who doesn't flinch during the explosion.
- Running gag: Whenever "kumite" is said, a kung-fu cry is heard.
- While Huey and Riley are trapped in their bedroom, Luna threatens to anally rape Grandad with a broomstick, referring to the Glen Ridge Rape.